Crush
by lycanus1
Summary: Vanora faces a bit of a dilemma when she learns the identity of the culprit responsible for her daughter's lovestruck behaviour.


**Disclaimer: **Everything and anyone recognizable_ still_ belongs to Jerry Bruckheimer &amp; Touchstone Pictures - more's the pity. Esyllt, though, belongs to me.  
**Warning:** _contains non-movie knights and some pretty strong language. Also slightly AU due to the timeline having been tinkered with. _

**A/N:** Again, this is a re-working of an old chapter from a story I deleted a while back. There _may_ be a follow up _if_ the Gobby One a.k.a. Bors decides to play ball !

_**XXXXXXXXX**_

**Crush**

Sighing, she picked up her serving tray, a large clay pitcher of ale and his tankard and skilfully weaved her way through the crowded tavern.

Finally, she came to her destination and silently placed the ewer and tankard down on the scarred, knotted surface of the table, in front of _him_. As always in his presence, her heart began to pound erratically, her pulse raced and a feeling of breathlessness and lightheadedness enveloped her.

She devoured the sight of him. Tall, strong, lean and powerfully built. All solid sinew covered in warm silk. His was a rugged, manly beauty, unlike the boyish looks of Galahad and Kay. And she yearned to card her long, slim fingers through the long, thick, wild, dark mane; to soothe his furrowed brow; to caress his strong, bearded jaw and provide him solace ... as well as a brief respite from the harshness and brutality of the life he had to endure.

"Will that be all ?" she asked huskily, her soft, dark eyes shining with hope. Hope, that for once, he would yield ... have a heart ... That he'd finally "see" who was in front of him. That someone cared for him. That he _was_ wanted. But it was a hope which was immediately and cruelly dashed. Stolen away from her, by a terse shake of his head and a dismissive wave of a large, capable, callused hand.

She didn't reply and immediately felt crushed - devastated - when he waved over a fellow knight to keep him company for the evening. The Siraci healer, Ywain, was a smaller, slighter man in build, who wore his dark blond hair closely shorn to his scalp. He sat at the table, soft dark eyes sparkling with mirth and a wry grin on his lean, attractive, clean-shaven face as he poured himself a tankard of ale. Silently, she picked up the tray and bit her trembling lower lip, averting her gaze to hide the unshed tears glistening in her eyes and allowed the long, tousled, chestnut mane to fall and conceal the hurt and anguish she felt.

Kicking herself for her own stupidity, she slowly returned to the bar. Why she expected things to be any different this night, she never knew. That he'd crave her company. That he'd finally "see" and want her. But she was a fool to hope ... to ever dream that he would.

A single tear fell and she dashed it away with a trembling hand, before tearing off her apron and throwing it upon the counter before fleeing into the cool night air, ignoring her concerned mother calling her name.

_**XXXXX**_

"Esyllt ! Wait ..."

_Damn ! _Vanora thought sadly, as she saw her much-loved daughter hastily leave the tavern. She knew the cause of her pain and distress; it grieved her immensely and gave her cause for concern.

Fiesty, fun-loving, confident Esyllt was her eldest offspring. She was also Bors' pride and joy and the apple of his eye. And she was nothing like the other older tavern wenches, who often behaved like alley cats over the men who frequented the tavern. At only seventeen, the pretty redhead was an innocent in comparison, pure of heart and saw only the good in people. Until now ...

Shaking her head, Vanora glared pointedly at the cause of her daughter's pain and confusion, then hurriedly went in search of her. She soon found her sitting on the stone steps behind the tavern, her arms wrapped tightly around her slim waist and her head bowed, crying softly.

"Oh, Es ..." Vanora sighed, then sat beside her, wrapping her arms around the slighter girl's shoulders and drawing her into her arms. "Let it all out, love ... Let it go ... No man's worth it, y'know ? You're young. Pretty. You could have anyone you wante- "

She felt Esyllt stiffen abruptly, then slowly pull away. Esyllt raised her head reluctantly and wiped her lovely tear-stained face hurriedly with the back of her hand and sighed shakily.

"That's the fucking problem, Mam ... I don't want anyone else. I just want him ... _Him !_"

Vanora eyed her silently and tried to choose her words carefully. "I know you think you love him, little one, bu- "

"It's not a matter of bloody "thinking" I love him, I _do_ love him. I'm _in_ love with that oblivious sod ... have been since Spring. It's not infatuation ... it won't go away. It's always there, eating away at me. Tearing me up inside. Ripping my heart into pieces ... Whenever I see him or hear him ... it's like the world's come to a standstill. Nothing else exists, or matters, except him. When he's out on patrol or on a mission with the others, I can't rest until I know he's back here. Safe and well ... It'd break me if anything happened to him ..." she added tearfully, before leaping to her feet and pacing agitatedly. She swept a swathe of chestnut curls impatiently across a slim shoulder and suddenly froze.

"Why does it have to fucking hurt so much, Mam ? He has no idea who I am. How I feel about him. He's everything to me ... Why can't he see that ? He doesn't want to get to know me or let me in ... Why ... ? What's so bloody wrong with me that he keeps me at arm's length ? I'm no longer a child, so why the hell can't he see that ?"

Helpless, Vanora rose to her feet and cautiously approached her. The pain and bewilderment Esyllt exuded was palpable and heartbreaking to see. "Oh, Es- "

"No ! Don't !" Tears began to fall once more and her voice was husky. Raw. Esyllt's chest rose and fell agitatedly beneath the tight bodice of her black dress.

"Why is _he_ so blind ? I really need to know. Aren't I good enough for him ? Every time he comes here, he ignores me. To him, it's like I don't even exist ! Unlike the other women here, I don't care about his coin or what he could give me. I'm not like that. _ All _I'm interested in - all I care about - is him. _I just want him ! _That's all ... I just want him to look ... to see ... and to _finally_ notice me. Is that too much to ask ?"

Vanora finally closed the gap between them and hugged her. "What do you expect, love, he's a man, for mercy's sake ... They're _always_ oblivious to what's good for them. It's in their nature. Not to see the best thing for them ..."

"Huh ! Da wasn't so blind or stupid though, was he ?" Esyllt sniffed and smiled weakly.

Vanora smiled in return and stated quietly, "Your Da also had a sharp slap to the noggin to remind him what was good for him. But no, when it comes to the important things in life, _my_ man's no fool. Daft bugger he may be, but he's no fool ..."

"Then you were lucky, Mam ... The gods were smiling on you, when Da found you ..."

"We both were. Though I'm not telling that. His head's swollen enough as it is !" Vanora grinned, taking hold of Esyllt's hand. "Look, some men are slower on the uptake or more stubborn than others, but eventually, they do they realize what they're missing ... 'N' if he doesn't 'n' is still too blind or daft to see what's before him, then it's his loss. Right, come on, missy ... We've wasted enough time on idle chit-chat. Back to work, aye ? Plenty of handsome young men in there vying for your attention ... Young Kay was in earlier asking for you. Said he'd be back later. Now,_ that _lad_ isn't _daft or blind by a long shot 'n' you could do far worse than him, y'know ? He's a good lad, bless him ..."

This time, Esyllt's smile reached her eyes and she nodded, "Aye, boss ... Whatever you say ..."

_Thank goddess for that ! _Vanora sighed with relief. Although it still didn't solve the problem of Esyllt's crush. How she was going to explain to her stubborn, infatuated daughter that no matter what she did, Lamorak would_ never _notice her or look at her in the way she wanted him to ... not when all _he_ could see was Ywain. When all that he wanted and loved was Ywain.

_No_, she decided with a grin,_ best keep quiet for now ... 'n' leave that particular little challenge to Bors to sort out when he got back home from patrol !_

**Finis**


End file.
